You said regrets?

We sometimes regret it easily. Miss a good opportunity during sales or bite your fingers for saying yes to a dinner. It also happens that the regrets are more heavy and invade us, like the feeling of having missed an appointment in love or professional. Tips to make peace with his regrets and take the life on the right side!

Regrets in a mess!

"No nothing, no I do not regret anything," sang Edith Piaf, despite a life that would probably have generated! Regrets, we all have more or less. Both young and old mark our lives for the majority of us. They may prove useful at times. Yet when they drag us into a negative spiral, it is better to straighten the bar!

A good use of regrets

One can regret to have tattooed, to have accepted a thorny file or to have spent his Sunday with his in-laws. Doctor in psychology, Serge Ciccotti, author of a book on this subject1 defines them as: "Regrets are a feeling of disappointment caused by not having realized something, or having done wrong." >

When too much is too much!

Often fleeting, they can become obsessive in some people, accompanied by a strong negative emotion, a chronic discontent ... Where do they come from? Our actions sometimes lead to results that we might have avoided, leading us to experience painful events ... If we had acted otherwise, some things could have been avoided. And then regrets arrive!

The registry of regrets is very broad, it affects various fields and varied according to the people. According to the author, various studies show that the main ones revolve around studies or training that one should have done to have a better position, 32%. The quarry is also the subject of regrets for 22% of subjects. They said they had "missed" the opportunity to seize a vacancy or a promotion that needed to move.

On the feeling side, 15% of people regret a past love, spelling phrases like, "I should not have left it," "I should have married her." While 10% of people regret a relationship that could have been better with a parent or children. They would have liked to tell them more often "I love you", or less to cling to "details" that over time are less important.

Still others (6%) may regret being a bit lazy, or angry, and point to a character trait or related to the "embarrassing" physique without seeking to improve. Finally, 3% express minimal regrets, such as missing the football match "event", or cracking during sales for clothes they will not put on.

Regrets can be helpful. According to Serge Ciccotti, "When they are founded, their function is to spur you and push you into an action, called corrective." To regret having eaten too much, to be returned to this pressing when they are not competent, to have accepted this dinner when you are "rinsed" happens to us all. But when you've had a bad experience that resulted in regrets, these will inevitably cause you to change your behavior.

"Regrets allow you to avoid finding yourself in a negative situation later," says Serge Ciccotti. In this way, they allow you to anticipate difficulties you may face, if you do not learn the lessons of the past.

Regrets too often become too important in our lives. In some cases, they even punctuate our existence. A missed love, a promotion opportunity, and here we are to re-stir "Ah so only". A bit like trying to erase the unwanted event. According to our specialist: "It is a way of trying to control afterwards, the course of events, when we know that it is illusory."

In psychic jargon, the sentences of the type "Ah if only ..." are pillars of the so-called "negative counterfactual" thought. Once you become aware of this behavior, it can be remedied. Serge Ciccotti suggests trying "positive counterfactual" thinking. Clearly, it is to focus your attention on positive events that are real.

And to seize the opportunities to formulate a sentence of the type "Which chance of ..." Atmosphere: What a chance to work on this file, a real challenge! How lucky to have dinner with the neighbors, it allows me to know them better. It is a behavioral tactic, a gymnastics initially, which may seem mechanical. But in the long run, it makes it possible to place the regrets in their right place and take the life on the right side.

Do not let regrets ruin your life De Serge Ciccotti Editions Marabout psy 256 pages Price: 15 euros